Pretending To Be Evelyn


Pretending To Be Evelyn

Some people go to priests, others to poetry, I to my friends.” Virginia Woolf

I’m at a point in my life where I am trying to work on myself  – to not  keep making the same mistakes, to be kinder, more confident, fearless, and to work out my tangled relationships.  I have observed some of my behaviors that have persisted for long periods of time. I  believe that“ is just the way I am.”

This is where my friend Evelyn comes in. Pretending to be Evelyn in certain situations helps me to behave with a new perspective.  I am not trying to copy Evelyn.  it  is more about  stepping outside my current self image. What does she do that is different from me? How can I learn to do this?

We start modeling our behavior based on what we see from others when we are very young. It’s a fundamental way our brains work and how they learn to adapt to our environment and social circle.  I know there are certain habits I’ve developed from my parents and certain phrases I have picked up from my friends.

Evelyn is great in social situations and parties. She introduces herself and is interested in meeting everyone. I prefer to sit in a corner with the one person that I know.

The boyfriend wanted to bring me to a party at his ex-wife’s house.  I was nervous and felt that everyone there would be judging me.  My sit in the corner routine was not going to work since it turned out that he was cooking. It was either going to be pretend to be sick or pretend to be Evelyn.  As a grownup now, I went with the second choice.  I introduced myself to anyone who walked by me which is so not my thing but it worked. I had people to talk to while he barbecued and his ex wife thought that I was “lovely”.

Being Evelyn is now my go to party persona. It makes it much easier to go into social situations when I don’t know people. Being Evelyn is an effective way of seeing myself in a new light.

I’m a grudge holder. It is hard for me to let go of anger. Evelyn who has been through illness and loss is the opposite.  “Let it go”, is her motto. There is nothing worse than trying to explain to her why I am mad at someone. She hates conflict. Her response is, “It is always best to be easy-going and do what is right in life. Life is hard enough so you don’t need to make it any harder.” I am a work in progress.

Friends are supposed to build you up and make you a better person. They are the people who help you push your boundaries and grow and you are supposed to do the same for them. Evelyn is that kind of friend.  At this point in my life, I am trying to only have friends like this. I am grateful for all of them.

Fly safe,




Facebook Messages From Around The World

Facebook Messages From Around The World

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?” Bill Maher

Facebook has given us the ability to simultaneously connect with our best friend in the first grade, our cousins all over the world, assorted friends, relatives, acquaintances and people you have met once. With the click of a button I can see that someone I thought that I had left behind long ago had a double cappuccino for breakfast.

Like all technological advances, whether it is good or bad for you depends on how you use it. I happen to love a Facebook birthday. I like waking up to see people who I barely know or haven’t seen in years have wished me a Happy Birthday. I make it a point to do the same. It has its critics. Facebook not people are remembering the birthdays. It is a step above doing nothing, They still had to type it. i can do the once a year thing. But lately I have received these kinds of Facebook messages.

Two of your friends from Viet Nam are celebrating the Autumn Festival.

Three of your friends from Mexico are celebrating Mexican Independence Day.

Am I being rude or culturally biased not to wish them Happy Autumn Festival? Am I committing some Social Media faux pas that I don’t know about yet by not saying Happy Independence Day? Will they be getting a message that says eight of your friends are from America. They are celebrating Veterans Day. Send them a message.

I’m getting the idea that Facebook loves sending notifications so we can spend more time on Facebook. There is definitely a way to manage these notifications. For me, it involves more time, on the internet to figure it out. It is just easier to wish all my Japanese friends a Happy Cherry Blossom Festival.

Fly safe,

Tell Me How Much You Have Traveled

“Don’t tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you have traveled.” — Mohammed

I’m sorry to start this blog on a sad note but one of my close friends died this morning unexpectedly.  He was a world renowned geneticist .  His vocation  gave him the ability to do what he loved  –  do good work and see the world.

Besides medical questions,  you could go to David with any travel question you had and he  probably had the answer.  He was his own travel agent. He was an expert in the field of airline savings (his specialty was business and first class) and was a mileage savant . His area of expertise was finding the best websites  for travel deals. His  forte was five star hotels.

He lectured and treated patients all over the world,.  His patients and colleagues became his friends.  Therefore his own travelogues  were filled with personal recommendations and interesting people.  I’m particularly jealous of his trip to India.  ( where he was treating one of the princesses)

I’m also in awe of the packing skills of David and his beautiful wife Ann. I happened to be staying at their house on the morning they were leaving for India for a few weeks.  It was their first trip  to that country.  They hadn’t started thinking about packing till the night before. They were still packing  in the morning as the car pulled up to take them to the airport.   I am not that casual   a traveler.

David loved to tell his travel stories and I loved hearing them.   Whether he was driving through Yugoslavia, trying to get to the airport in China, seeing the cremations at Varinasi,  meeting friends in Red Square, or  visiting Annie in Africa, it always sounded like an adventure.  He went to more places than most of us will ever go in our lifetime.  Ann, Lauren and Michael were always ready to join him.

My last travel question to him was two weeks ago. (My last medical question was one week ago) Should my son stay on the Hong Kong or Kowloon side?  Of course David had been to that country  many times and had the answer.  I will miss him. Fly safe David.