How to Annoy People In Los Angeles, California

“Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.” Fran Leibowitz 

Leave your turn signal on for ten miles. Drive very slowly in the fast lane.

Talk about how much better New York is and how more real New Yorkers are. Fill in any other state or country here.

Say that the acting business is all about luck.

Ask us about celebrity dieting, gossip, their fitness DVDs or their clothing lines. Most of us don’t care about them on the way up or the way down.

Tell us again that people don’t walk here. We haven’t heard it before.  Add that our public transportation sucks,. We know that is why a lot of us don’t use it.

Which would be another complaint. The traffic is really bad for us also.
Yes we have traffic for no apparent reason at 2:00 in the afternoon.

Complain about the air pollution. We know  because we don’t have good public transportation.

Ask us if we know someone more important who can read your script.

Take up the whole lane with your bike and don’t pay attention to traffic signs.   (that means you Mandeville Canyon riders)

Name drop celebrities or ask us who we know.

Bring up juice fasts, vegan restaurants,  or talk about how  much better your Mexican food is. (unless you are actually from Mexico). My kids who were born and raised in Los Angeles are serious carnivores.

Bring up new age anything, psychic pet healers, yoga, Pilates.  bar method, Scientology , Kabbalah, acupuncture, Tai Chi or ask about mercury in retrograde.   Everyone does not  like to talk about it.

Ask us if we drive to the gym. We do. Sometimes we go to lunch and pick up our kids in our workout clothes. I drive to walk my dog.

Tell us that you think that you look fat when you are thinner and more fit than we are.

Ask if the construction on the 405 affects us. It affects me every day and night.

Tell us there is no culture here.  There is plenty but some of it you have to look for.

Insult our artists. Some of them matter. Some of them you have heard of. All of them are cooler than you.

Leave the movie theatre as soon as the film ends. We like to read the credits and see who we know on the film and we don’t like you walking in front of us when we do.

Talk really loudly on your cell phone in a public place about all the movie business related things you are doing. We know it isn’t true.

Say you haven’t had any work done.  We know that isn’t true also.  We are from LA and we are professionals at being able to see that.

Ask questions about surfing, skating or being blonde.  We all can’t answer those.

Make comments about our weather.  We live here because we like it.

Ask us why we wear jeans in nice restaurants. Because we can.  We also wear boots, scarves, shorts and bathing suits year round.

Ask us why we wear Uggs and flip flops everywhere. I don’t know.

Ask us if we are ready for the “big one”.  If you need to know, go on facebook. Every time there is a tremor everyone reports it – as in “Did anyone else feel that?”

Fly Safe,

JAZ