It Is Like Your Mom’s Facebook Page

It is Like Your Mom’s Facebook Page

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?” Bill Maher

I heard two twenty-somethings having this conversation I didn’t hear the question but the answer was, “You know, it’s like your mom’s Facebook page.“

Hmmm. They couldn’t be talking about me. I’m totally cool and of course, you are too if you are reading this. I’m a parent and I love parents. But Facebook does broadcast our lives across the internet. Here are some things that might be bothering your kids.

1.The good news is that your parents have actually learned how to work a computer. As soon as we get on Facebook, our first friend request is always our kids. Your kids grudgingly accept because they have no choice. How do you not accept your mom’s friend request? Mine had rules. “Do not like or comment on my page.” Without those rules, I would have commented on every one of their Facebook statuses and retagged their photos on friends and relatives pages.  I would have left embarrassing personal messages for everyone to see. That is what they believe. Then we add their friends who also don’t really want to say yes but do.

2. There are parents who post way too many pictures of their kids. I get it. B being a parent is life-changing. I have flooded social media with many photos of L and K at different stages of their lives. Moving brought out a ton of the old photos. I have no ground to stand on. When I’m not posting my kids, I’m posting my dog because you know the internet needs more cute dog photos.

3.There is always an alarmist in every group of parents. Giving overprotective parents who don’t use Snopes a social media platform is a disaster of misinformation. “If you don’t post this legal copywrite, Facebook can steal your photos”. I mean don’t you think they can do that anyway?

4.Bragging on social media is part of the deal. “Look at my son’s cute Harvard sweatshirt.” “Really, fifth grade already?” “I love our family matching outfits.” “My son in law has another song out.”Everyone has a perfect life on social media.

5. And then there is commenting which could be worse than bragging. “Oh, your son or grandson is walking at one year. Mine walked at eight months. All kids are different.” “Where are you getting married? My daughter got married in Africa but everyone is different.” “Your daughter is a comedian, that is so cool. My son is working at Google and has great insurance’ ”Oh, you traveled to New Zealand alone? Here is a photo of me with my family in New Zealand.”

6. Facebook is a safe place for parents to vent their frustration about their kids. “Anyone else sitting in the emergency room at 11pm because their son decided to climb out the window?” “Here is a photo of my son driving cross-country on his motorbike.” “Here is my daughter crying on her first day of camp.” “Anyone else’s kid’s college dorm room look like this?”  We don’t want advice from other parents. We just want to vent about our kids who are also on social media. 

7. Hipster parents and ”cool” parents (There is no such thing’) Hipster parents are always showing photos without kids. Here we are in Cabo or Vegas, having dinner at Nobu, at yoga, training for the marathon etc. If they do pose with their kids, everyone is hipster dressed. Older parents are always doing something cool. Here I am at a rock concert, climbing a glacier, at Hamilton (everyone posts that photo-including me finall),, at the Vanity Fair party, in Hawaii, Paris or on Safari.

9. Perfect Facebook Families. They have beautiful houses, smiling faces and luxury cars. They travel all over the world together. Their children are flawless and brilliant at school or in their careers.  They either look like supermodels or haven’t aged or gained a pound since they had kids or became grandparents. They have beautiful family dinners and holidays.  No one has ever seen them fight or worry about anything.

The reality is once we started joining in large numbers, Facebook stopped being cool. I guess like your mom’s Facebook page is not a compliment. I believe that this has been the downfall of Facebook and why the teens and twenty-somethings have moved to Instagram, Twitter and Snap Chat. These are things that many of us have not mastered yet though I love Instagram. When you are in high school, parents are the least cool people imaginable.  We stay on Facebook because it is a comfort zone and most of our friends aren’t on Twitter or Snap Chat.  Parental embarrassment on Facebook is becoming less of an issue because everything is always changing on the internet. 

Fly safe,

JAZ

Advertisements

People I Want To Punch In The Face On Social Media

People I Want To Punch In The Face.On Social Media

“Distracted from distraction by distraction” T.S.Eliot

The Whitney Museum has a beautiful leather-covered and embossed journal for the holiday season entitled People I Want To Punch In The Face. Here is an excerpt from the social media section of my book.

screen-shot-2016-12-08-at-6-56-00-pm

Self Promoting Bloggers who just want to make money. They run ads all the time . They write about them. They are boring. Write what you love. The rest will come or it won’t but you will still have your self-respect.

Narcissists No one cares when you woke up, what song is on the radio, where you are having lunch, what your cute dog did today or how long you worked out.

Foodies. Being a foodie is awesome but we do not need to see every single culinary creation or meal in your life.

People who ask wrong social media questions A good question for social media is – Where can I eat in Denver on Tuesday? A wrong question is – Which color shirt should I wear today? There are some things you need to figure out for yourself.

People who post pictures of coffee on instagram. I’m a coffee addict. If you want me to care about the coffee/ latte /frappe you are drinking, I hope it’s the only one of its kind ever made.

Instagrammers I Hate I dislike the people who post OOTD (outfit of the day) unless that is your job, selfies. the same things everyone else is doing, pretend sleeping photos, or engagement rings (OMG)

Fake followers who unfollow you after you follow them back. I will unfollow you back surferdude and fuckkale.

Dumpers Keep depressing posts to a minimum. Promote positivity and humor when possible. We are going to need it in the next four years.

Threat Posters If you don’t repost this you don’t love your children, you won’t get to heaven, you are not an American or care how fast this gets around the world. Yes that would be me.

Presidential Tweeters They just aren’t presidential.

Fly safe,
JAZ

Things I Have Learned In My First Year Of Blogging.

Things I Have Learned In My First  Year Of Blogging

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” Lao Tzu

You must promote your blog shamelessly . I thought that would be a problem for me but it turns out that I can be pushy.

The internet is all about social media and less about content.

Hits and followers are different.

Views and visitors are different.

Widgets are  important.

Plug-ins are important. I don’t know how to use them yet.

Search engines are your friend.  Like real friends, you have to take the time to get to know them and sometimes they are hard to figure out.  Google Plus and Stumble Upon are also friends.  They are more like the kind of the friends that do for you what you do for them.  It turns out that Lonely Planet  is a good friend.  Who knew? I didn’t think I was that kind of traveler. Reddit is my best friend.

The Internet loves food.

The Internet likes lists.

There are all kinds of tools for social media. There are many online self-help tutorials. You probably have to know social media or have that kind of brain to get through the tutorials.  For me, it is math all over again.

On the internet, as in life, you can always pay people to help you. The only ones I have found are very expensive and deal with corporations.  I need one of these people.

You can also pay for hits to your blog. This sounds stupid because you are not building readers but apparently is a good thing because the more hits, the easier you are to find on google.  I havent done it. It reminds me of being friends with  kids whose parents gave me candy (I wasn’t allowed to have  sugar as a kid)

As the birds in my neighborhood say, It’s always better if you tweet. I don’t.

The people closest to you will probably not read your blogs every week. Do not take this personally. Your friends probably don’t read them  so much either.  When you talk about a blog, they stand there with a glazed expression and hope you don’t question them.  My neighbor reads my blog every week.  Guys who  like you  sometimes read your blog. Guys who like you a lot read enough of it to ask a question every week.

The people who do read them are people who are interested in what you write about. I have travel writers, photographers, bloggers , tour guides and tour companies,  travel agents, travelers and people who want to travel more, who do read it.

You know your blog is getting out there when people start writing mean things.  Some internet people are not so nice.  Also, if you are going to write something mean, spell it correctly.

People from 102 countries read my blog. The top countries are US, Turkey, UK, Japan and Canada.

In the past year one person from each of these countries has read my blog –Bahamas, Latvia, Uruguay, Kenya, Costa Rica., Aruba, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Guernsey (where is this?), Kuwait , Uzbekistan, Togo, Ethiopia, Yemen, Iceland, Nepal, Cambodia, Macedonia, Malta, Lithuania, Georgia, Guatemala,  and Palau. It is like the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.  Who are these people?

I spend more time trying to learn social media than actually writing. It is not as much fun.

I need all the help I can get.  Anyone who knows about this stuff, ( im supposed to say tweet me, facebook me, email me )but  at least comment on my blog and hook me up.

Thanks For Reading and Fly Safe

JAZ